Pieces of my heart

We always want what we don't have. Isn't that part of human nature? When I was little, I remember hating my hair- it was too wavy. Why couldn't I have stick straight hair, like some of my friends? The funny thing is, my friends who had straight hair wanted wavy or curly hair. We just can't win.

I no longer care that much about my hair, in fact, I am quite happy with the way it is. Sometimes a little curly, sometimes a bit straight. But in other ways, I still find myself longing for things I don't have.

Last year, when I was in DC, I missed Harrisburg. I missed being by the river, I missed the small town feeling. I missed my friends and my boyfriend. I missed being closer to people of all different race and class backgrounds. So, in August, I came back.

But now, I miss DC! I miss the excitement, the noise, the constant activities, the progressive, dynamic conversations. I miss walking to work, taking the bus and the metro, not even missing my car. I miss my Discipleship Year housemates intensely, I miss living in community in that way, with people who were deeply committed, loving, and filled with grace. I miss a church like New Community- informal, diverse in age, race, and social class.

I guess all that is just a part of really living, and moving, and making connections here and there, and leaving parts of your heart in places and with people.

My recent struggle (well, one of them!) has been about home, place, where I want to put my "roots" down. Do I want to go back to DC? Do I want to move closer to my family? Or stay in Harrisburg? I am 25 and starting to get tired of packing up all of my stuff and moving it every single year (for the past 8 years!). But I also have a fear of getting stuck somewhere...a fear of commitment, maybe. I still have so much I want to see and do!

But this is one of the problems with many in my generation, I think. We are so transitory, we don't have anything holding us down, so we keep on moving. We move for a job, for school, but mostly for a new experience. I think we are searching for something, for that place that will finally feel right. Perfect, even.

In the past, people rarely left their families. It wasn't so normal to just get up and move across the country for no apparent reason. You were always surrounded with cousins and aunts and uncles and parents and siblings. So now we've gained more flexibility, that cultural standard is mostly gone in mainstream white American families. But we've lost something, and we wander around trying to find it. Community, maybe? A sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves? Maybe a little bit of both.

So my question remains- what am I looking for exactly, and where will I find it?